Casey and I had tried to write thank you notes and birth/death announcements for months. Then the holidays were fast approaching and the anticipation of Christmas with it's crowds and parties sent me straight into full out anxiety attacks.
So, we finally forced ourselves to sit down and create Lilly's announcements along with grief letter and Christmas card. Like most activities involving Lilly, it was painful but deliberate; beautiful and somehow healing.
Taking family pictures is too sad and empty without her. We had Casey's parents just take some photos at our house with one of her Christmas ornaments, a pair of little pink shoes, off to the side. It was very hard for me, but Isaac, always full of love and laughter, had us giggling by the end. He is truly my Joy!
Many many of our family and friends have thanked us for the letter. They said it was very helpful and they appreciated being invited in to share Lilly with us.
I want to share it with you all too...
Dearest Family and Friends,
With heavy hearts, we acknowledge the birth and death
of our daughter, Lillian Hope Topping. Born on February 19th of this year,
Lilly measured 20 ¾ inches long and weighed a perfect 7lbs 14oz. She had
strawberry blond hair and was, and is, the most beautiful baby we’ve ever seen.
In her brief life, she touched countless people, spreading the message of Love,
Kindness and Hope in the Lord without ever making a sound. Our lives were
forever changed by our little girl and she will always be remembered and
missed.
During her life and after her death so many of you
reached out to us; sending us cards, food, money, gifts and, most importantly,
love and prayer. We cannot begin to tell you how much each of those things has
helped us through this most difficult season of our lives. Thank you, from the
depths of our hearts. We are humbled by your generous acts of love and kindness
toward our family.
Unless you have faced a similar loss, we understand how
difficult it is to know what to say or do. We know that in the months and years
to come it may be awkward and difficult interacting with us, especially around
special occasions and the upcoming Holidays. We would like to tell you that it
is fine to acknowledge our little Lillian and that we even cherish talking
about her. Rejoice in her short life. We love her so much and wish to remember
her. Talking about her and sharing our love and grief for her at all times and
with everyone else we love, will only help us to heal and grow. So please, do
not be afraid to mention our baby girl, for she is already a constant in our
minds. If we cry you did not upset us, but rather allowed us to express
externally how we already feel internally. We know you cannot see her
physically, but we carry her with us always.
Much time has passed and you may be surprised that we
still grieve every day. We are still learning how to accept that she is gone
and simple things remind us of the empty space where she should be. If we laugh
please do not assume we are “over it” and if we cry do not fear that we are
stuck in our sorrow. Grief is unpredictable. We know this is difficult for you
as well and we just ask that you forgive us if we seem absent and forgetful, if
we ramble and repeat ourselves, or if we break down and need our space.
We are forever changed. Our joyful times are so much
finer and our sorrowful moments immensely deeper. Knowing the Lord is near us
and always providing a rock to lean on has been monumental in our healing. That
being said, so have you, our friends and family, helped us during this time
with kind words, ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and many, many prayers.
We love you all very much and again appreciate
everything you have done and continue to do for us. Thank you for loving us and
loving our Lillian Hope.
With Warmest Regards,
Casey, Lorri & Isaac Topping
“Sometimes”, said Pooh, “the smallest things take up
the most room in your heart.”
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